Where are we going to have the wedding?
How much do we want to spend?
Who are we going to invite?
What will our colors be? Theme?
Who are we going to have in our bridal party?
What kind of center pieces do we want?
The list goes on and on with how much planning needs to happen. As if the stress of how much money we need to save in order to spend it all on one day isn't enough, the "when are you going to have a baby" question comes up.
You're not getting any younger.
You don't want to be too old when your child is growing up.
You can have a baby right now, no one is ever ready.
As much as having a family is a desire of mine, that is still something that I hope won't happen for another 2-3 years. I know that no one is ever ready to have kids, but to have the ability to wait until we're financially ready is something I plan to take advantage of.
So many people are in a rush to do things because they feel like that is what they should be doing next. There isn't a timeline of how your life should be. You are the person who decides when you're ready to begin chapters in your life, no one else. Not only have I witnessed many in my family struggle, but so many acquaintances that I know who rushed into marriage and kids only to feel like they missed out or that they should have waited.
Not many people know what I went through 4 years ago, but having that question asked definitely brings up sad memories. It makes me question again whether I'll be able to have children, whether God will allow me the privilege to get pregnant knowing what I have done. Of course it's not something I'm going to respond with each time I'm asked, but it's important to be mindful when asking a person when and if they're having children. One never knows whether they're not able to, whether they've been trying for years, or if they simply don't want children. It's not fair to assume everyone is on the same page as you and it's certainly not fair to continuously ask a person whom has already made it clear that they are not ready.
Just over Thanksgiving vacation, my fiancé and I were having brunch with his dad, siblings, and nieces. The wedding planning was brought up and his sister asked when we plan on having kids.
SIL: So are you guys going to have kids right away?
Me: No, we'd like to be married at least one year before trying.
SIL: Why not? You should start right away.
Me: No, I'd like to enjoy being married and be selfish with my husband before having a family.
SIL: But you're not getting any younger, there's no reason to wait.
Me: Well we're not financially stable and I would love to buy a house first so that we can have space for the baby.
SIL: Plenty of people have had kids in apartments, it's no big deal.
Me: That is true, but I'd rather not struggle to find a place and move since we'd grow out of it so fast.
SIL: My brothers going to be so old by the time you decide to have kids!
You can imagine the frustration I felt after the second statement and having to defend my choice. One thing is to ask someone and them tell you no, another is to give reasons as to persuade you against your decision. This isn't the first time this has been discussed with my family-in-laws. I've had numerous conversations with my MIL to which she's responded, you guys already live together why wait now.
I'm not sure how many times I have the patience to answer this very same question from the same people, but I'm hoping after a while they give up on asking. Just as I don't pressure others about certain life choices they could be making, I don't want it done to me.
It's my body, my uterus, my future, my worry, my life change, my planning, my decision!
Not to mention, my future husband and I agree that it's not something ready quite ready for and would love the opportunity to enjoy the bliss of being married.
I'm sure there have been many before me that have gone through this and there will continue to be many after me. I just pray that people learn to keep their nose in their own business and not in those of others. It's hard enough having to live in the world we live in today, let's not add more stress to each other's lives. Let's be understanding, compassionate, and less opinionated on the matters of others.
No comments:
Post a Comment