Desk Job Struggle

For those who have a 9-5 know that the struggle is real when it comes to sitting in front of the computer for 8 hours. Many who have physically demanding laborious jobs don't understand why those of us who "sit at a desk all day" are even tired.

I was fortunate enough to take part in an ergonomic training class with my current company and learned great information regarding this topic and I'd love to share it.
 
Let me break it down for those who don't understand as to why we're so tired at the end of each day.
 

• Our bodies were not built to sit down for 8 straight hours and be in front of a "TV" screen.
• As we are sitting our spines are curving inward and therefore causing back, neck, and shoulder pain.
• In an effort to be comfortable throughout the day we tend to slouch which then causes our neck and shoulders to hold the weight of our heads. Care to guess how much our heads weigh? 8-11 pounds!
• Our brain is working 100% of the time as we're constantly having to answer emails, enter data, answer phones, work on spreadsheets, etc. These are high demand jobs that require a great deal of attention and speed since our technology is constantly updated.

Having had a desk job for the last 6 years has definitely taken a toll mentally and physically. Just  2 years ago I had to purchase my first pair of glasses to relieve my strained eyes from looking at 3 monitors at once. I've had to regularly visit a chiropractor to relieve my back pain. I've had pinched nerves periodically that are quite bothersome. Lastly, I've gained weight from sitting all day long and having food constantly catered from clients.

That last one is definitely a first world problem that I'm grateful for, but for someone who does not enjoy exercising at all, it's been difficult to maintain my weight.

Here are some helpful tips I've learned from the training course to help alleviate some of the pain and discomfort for those who have desk jobs.

• If you are fortunate enough to have sit-stand desks like my job has provided, try to stand for at least 2.5 hours each day.
• Take a water or bathroom break anytime you feel uncomfortable in your chair and/or constantly moving to find a comfortable spot.
• Use a medicine ball instead of a chair.
• Sit all the way back in your chair so that you are upright.
• Make sure your keyboard is level to where your arms bend so that you are not having to lift your arms, which by the way can weigh up to 17 pounds.
• Use the 80/20 rule to determine the top 20% items you use 80% of the time and place them within hand's reach. (In my case I have my phone, post-it notes, notepad, pen, and paperclips within hand's reach as they are the items I use most.)
• If available, use padding on your mouse pads and keyboards to provide extra support to our wrists. (Something new I learned today, it turns out Doctors are misdiagnosing carpel tunnel as a way to perform surgery when in fact it may be a case of stressed/damaged nerves from poor posture.)
• Purchase a footrest for your feet to elevate/extend your legs to provide comfort and relieve stress.

Hopefully these tips will help you relieve some stress and/or pain from sitting at your desk all day. I'm truly blessed to work for a company that has provided all 70 of us with sit-stand desks. If your office is small enough and you have a great working relationship with your manager, I'd definitely suggest the sit-stand desk. With the push of a button my desk goes from seating level to standing in a matter of seconds.

For many who have never had a desk job it's simple to suggest we just find something else, but someone needs to get the job done. ;)

If after reading this you try any of the suggestions above, please let me know how it works for you, I'd love to find out if it makes a difference for anyone.

Outside Pressure

So now that my fiancé and I are engaged the pressure of planning the wedding begins.

Where are we going to have the wedding?
How much do we want to spend?
Who are we going to invite?
What will our colors be? Theme?
Who are we going to have in our bridal party?
What kind of center pieces do we want?

The list goes on and on with how much planning needs to happen. As if the stress of how much money we need to save in order to spend it all on one day isn't enough, the "when are you going to have a baby" question comes up.
                                                  
You're not getting any younger.
You don't want to be too old when your child is growing up. 
You can have a baby right now, no one is ever ready. 

As much as having a family is a desire of mine, that is still something that I hope won't happen for another 2-3 years. I know that no one is ever ready to have kids, but to have the ability to wait until we're financially ready is something I plan to take advantage of. 

So many people are in a rush to do things because they feel like that is what they should be doing next. There isn't a timeline of how your life should be. You are the person who decides when you're ready to begin chapters in your life, no one else. Not only have I witnessed many in my family struggle, but so many acquaintances that I know who rushed into marriage and kids only to feel like they missed out or that they should have waited.

Not many people know what I went through 4 years ago, but having that question asked definitely brings up sad memories. It makes me question again whether I'll be able to have children, whether God will allow me the privilege to get pregnant knowing what I have done. Of course it's not something I'm going to respond with each time I'm asked, but it's important to be mindful when asking a person when and if they're having children. One never knows whether they're not able to, whether they've been trying for years, or if they simply don't want children. It's not fair to assume everyone is on the same page as you and it's certainly not fair to continuously ask a person whom has already made it clear that they are not ready.

Just over Thanksgiving vacation, my fiancé and I were having brunch with his dad, siblings, and nieces. The wedding planning was brought up and his sister asked when we plan on having kids.

SIL: So are you guys going to have kids right away?
Me: No, we'd like to be married at least one year before trying.
SIL: Why not? You should start right away.
Me: No, I'd like to enjoy being married and be selfish with my husband before having a family.
SIL: But you're not getting any younger, there's no reason to wait.
Me: Well we're not financially stable and I would love to buy a house first so that we can have space for the baby.
SIL: Plenty of people have had kids in apartments, it's no big deal.
Me: That is true, but I'd rather not struggle to find a place and move since we'd grow out of it so fast.
SIL: My brothers going to be so old by the time you decide to have kids!

You can imagine the frustration I felt after the second statement and having to defend my choice. One thing is to ask someone and them tell you no, another is to give reasons as to persuade you against your decision. This isn't the first time this has been discussed with my family-in-laws. I've had numerous conversations with my MIL to which she's responded, you guys already live together why wait now.

I'm not sure how many times I have the patience to answer this very same question from the same people, but I'm hoping after a while they give up on asking. Just as I don't pressure others about certain life choices they could be making, I don't want it done to me.

It's my body, my uterus, my future, my worry, my life change, my planning, my decision!

Not to mention, my future husband and I agree that it's not something ready quite ready for and would love the opportunity to enjoy the bliss of being married.

I'm sure there have been many before me that have gone through this and there will continue to be many after me. I just pray that people learn to keep their nose in their own business and not in those of others. It's hard enough having to live in the world we live in today, let's not add more stress to each other's lives. Let's be understanding, compassionate, and less opinionated on the matters of others.

I Said Yes!

Shocked, surprised, happy, excited, emotional and blessed is what I felt the moment my boyfriend turned to me and bent down on one knee. 

We were standing on the bridge with the Harry Potter Hogwarts castle behind us as we posed for a picture. Once the picture was taken he turned to me and got on one knee. I immediately started to tear up with how excited I was. "I know this is the happiest place for you and because of that I want to make you even happier by asking you, would you marry me?" I said of course and as he got up to hug me we heard cheering from the crowd who had stood around to watch. I felt like I was in a movie and it was incredibly romantic. 


My love knows I'm a huge Harry Potter fan and we had gone to Islands of Adventure that day for my birthday to enjoy Hogsmeade and some Butterbeer. It is most definitely going to be an unforgettable 26th birthday for sure!

I'd be lying if I said this is where I envisioned my future to look like. At 20, and nearing the end of a very long relationship with my high school sweetheart, I already had it in mind that I probably wouldn't marry in the future. It wasn't until the day I realized I loved my now fiancé that I began to picture what my wedding would be like. Never did I imagine myself in a dress, picking out decorations or even walking down the aisle. Yet here I am, engaged and in the first stages of planning what we hope to be an October wedding next year.

One thing I do want to share with anyone who reads my blog is that it's all in God's timing. It's never how we plan it out to be or how we imagine it in our heads to be and I'm glad that it wasn't. God knew I needed to mature and become a better person in order for Him to bring Mando into my life. He knew that once I began to admit my faults and focus on eliminating them that I'd be ready to be a wife. I cannot stress enough how important it is for the nagging to stop, the harassing of "when are you going to ask me," and "make sure you get me this ring", etc. A man will be happier if he knows that he alone made the decision to ask you to be his wife, not because you forced him to ask you. Be happy and content with what you have and if you find that you can't then maybe you're not with the right person. I can only guarantee that when it does finally happen and the love of your life asks you to marry them, it'll be the most magical day of your life!

Is My Life On Track?

I'm 25, soon to be 26 and I can't help but feel lost at times. Am I where I'm supposed to be? Is my life on track so far?

This is a question I ask myself time and time again. I look at my parents as an example and when they were my age they had a house, two kids, we traveled, and went out often whether it was the movies or restaurants. Granted times are much different today with such a rough economy, but it still makes me stop and ask myself if I could be doing something different to better my circumstances.

I've talked to many close friends and relatives about this concern of mine and it seems I'm not the only person who feels this way. It's common for a person to feel they're behind, but when do we start to feel like we're ahead?

My sister is a great example of an individual who I consider to be ahead. Before she turned 21 she purchased her first car on her own without any co-signers, she became the youngest supervisor at a big theater franchise, and purchased her first home. All of this before turning 21 and while in college. My not-so-baby sister is now an adult who is extremely mature and responsible. Although I am the older sister, I do look up to her and proud of the woman she has become.

Then you have those who are in their mid twenties and have yet to have a real career. Living at home with their parents, don't know what it's like to be responsible for rent, utility bills, household products, etc. These individuals are who I consider late bloomers. It may not always be their fault that they haven't ventured to independence, but from what I have witnessed it does seem to hinder their potential to be independent and their ability to make certain big decisions. The biggest setback with this group is that they worry too much. They ask themselves the "what ifs" and imagine everything that can go wrong will go wrong. However, the flaw to this mentality is that if you always wonder what may go wrong, you'll never know whether it can go right. My thought process has always been "you'll never know until you try it." It has not always worked in my favor, but had I not taken a leap of faith I would have never known that I could make it on my own, support myself, and be independent from my parents.  

Then there is me. Working since I was 16, began my first career in media at 20 who now working in the insurance/risk management industry, living in an apartment with my boyfriend, and recently made a 900+ mile move away from home. I make more money than I have ever made in my life, but I can't help but feel there is still something missing. My family is the obvious thing, but I feel I haven't fulfilled my purpose in life. I'm about to turn 26 and yet I am not yet married, don't have children, haven't purchased a home, and in my opinion still haven't found my professional calling.

I've tried different industries since starting my first job in 2005. I've worked in retail, financial/baking, media, freight transportation, brokerage, childcare, and now safety/quality insurance management. There have been different aspects of each position I've held that I liked, but ultimately it wasn't enough to keep me focused and challenged. So now I'm at a crossroads where I feel I'm not getting any younger and want to have a stable career in order to save for retirement.

I am no longer interested in working in the field I received my degree in and yet I don't know what career path to take with my interests/passions. I have a passion for baking, event planning, and assisting; however, I want to work for myself in the long run. Granted it's a lot of work I'd have to put in, but the reward will most definitely be worth it.

So many people I know have gone through the same dilemma and I would definitely encourage anyone who isn't 100% happy with what they are doing to dig deep and found out what your passion is in order to go after it. You are definitely not alone if you're feeling this way, I hope you know that.

If you feel the need to search for a job you feel may fulfill your needs better, then do it. If you want to try something out because you think you'd be great at it, do it. It won't always work in your favor, but at least you tried it.

I'll be honest when I first decided to become a nanny I thought it'd be easy and I'd ask myself, how hard can it be compared to corporate America? Also, I had spent so much time with my Godson since the day he was born and I knew I had done well based on feedback I received, so in my mind I thought I'd be a perfect nanny. Boy was I mistaken! Not only did I have to deal with children who were raised with parents who had a different idea of what discipline meant than mine, but having to deal with the parents and their different parenting techniques that opposed the other was tough and many times awkward. It was difficult and it turns out I am not as nurturing as I thought I was. Anyone who knows me is aware of my lack of desire for children at this moment in my life, so you can imagine how I was as a nanny. Plus, being raised by strict parents didn't help when assisting in raising 3 girls whose parents thought my techniques were too strict. Needless to say, I didn't last not even 6 months as a nanny, but hey at least I tried it.

It is nothing to be ashamed of and society today wants to make it seem that it is, but as long as you're happy and fulfilling your passions that is all that matters in the end. No one else pays your bills, no one else worries about putting food on your table, only you have a say in the decisions you make. Unless of course you're living under mom and dad's roof then I'd say put it in third gear and get out there! :) You just might find what you feel your purpose in life is and you'll never feel like you have to "work" a day in your life.

You'll never know until you try.

_______________________________________________

 

Psalm 138:8
The Lord will accomplish what concerns me; your loving kindness, O Lord, is everlasting. Do not forsake the work of your hands.

Romans 12:2
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Remembering My Sweet Uncle

I cannot imagine the loss of a sibling, but just the sheer thought of it makes my heart sink.

On Saturday, August 8th I received a call from my sister asking if I could catch the next flight back to Chicago because my uncle was unresponsive. The hospice nurse had examined him and said he was at his end. As I was sitting on the couch waiting to go to the airport all I could think of were all of the memories I had with my uncle. I've always said that I was the luckiest of all the grandchildren on my dad's side because I was the first-born and had all of the love and attention of all of my dad's brothers. They were all in their teens when I was born as my dad is the oldest and he was 20. My Tio Jose was 12 when I was born and being the first girl in the family he was just as excited as everyone else. I can remember how much affection they'd show me, how involved they were. I have pictures with all of them and you can see the joy in our faces. I have family videos of all of my uncles so excited to have their first niece, constantly calling out to get my attention.

My Tio with my sister and I

So many memories running through my mind. My Tio Jose is the youngest of the five brothers (my Tio Miguel, my dad, my Tio Francisco, Tio Beto and Tio Jose) and is definitely the one who had the most energy. Unfortunately he turned to alcohol at a very young age and became addicted. This disease of his has put him in the hospital many times before, but because it was something he felt he couldn't live without, he continued to drink.

Even though he had a drinking problem I noticed that it didn't take a toll on his persona. He was still the same loving, affectionate, and involved uncle he always was. Yes, his eyes were yellow and his conversations much sillier and a tad bit annoying, but he would still ask how I was and wanted to be involved. He still made sure to tell my boyfriend that he had to take care of me because he loved me very much.

Once I arrived at O'Hare I couldn't wait to go see him. We got to my Tia Brenda's house (his wife) and I went straight to the bedroom he was in. As I walked in I felt the extreme heat of the small room filled with so many people. All of my dad's brothers, my grandma, my grandpa who I hadn't seen in almost 3 years and about 12 other extended relatives. As I looked down at my uncle my eyes instantly filled with tears at the sight before me. The once vibrant, big-eyed, and forever smiling 38 year old was on the bed not conscious of anything. He no longer spoke, no longer opened his eyes, all we had in front of us was a very sick person barely hanging on. It hit me more than ever, this was the end for my sweet uncle.

All of us sat or stood in the room watching him, some crying, and others outside talking about how sad this was. My dad and his brothers were seated at each side of their little brother in silence until my uncle Beto decided it was the best time for him to address the elephant in the room between the brothers. Apparently before I arrived my dad was infuriated because he was not okay with the fact that my uncle was released from the hospital only to find out after that upon his release he signed a waiver notating that he did not want to be resuscitated if it got to that point. Naturally, this would upset anyone who wants to see their loved one fight, but it’s what my uncle wanted. He was able to spend his last conscious day with his two little boys and on the day that happened to be his oldest son’s 14^th birthday. So my uncle Beto decided to tell my dad in front of everyone, “I hope you know that this is what he wanted.” Anyone who knows my dad knows that he is not pleasant when he is upset.

It became an argument and we all tried to calm them down. Tensions were definitely high and emotions were all over the place, so I understood the aggression. However, I didn’t see it fit that they have that discussion in front of my dying uncle. So I asked to speak to him alone so I could tell him everything I'd ever want him to know before it was too late.

“Tio, I know you can hear me and I cannot believe we’re here right now in this situation. My heart is heavy with sadness and grief at the thought of losing you. Do you remember when you dressed up as Michael Myers on my 10^th birthday and scared the crap out of all the kids and the parents were furious? That was hilarious. I remember as a little girl you used to play with me and carry me around. I was so honored to have been in your wedding also as a bridesmaid, it truly meant the world to me. Watching you as you had your first dance with my Tia Brenda I just thought to myself, I hope one day my future husband looks at me that way, because the love you had for my aunt was undeniable. I do hope that you can forgive my dad for being upset, he just had so much hope for you and wanted to see you come out of this. You know he’s always looked at you as more than just his little brother, but almost as a son as well. He just loves you so much and it’s hard for him to accept that this is what you wanted and I do hope you don’t count that against him. I’m going to miss you so much Tio you have no idea. You brought so much happiness into everyone’s life that had the privilege of knowing you. I don’t know one soul who didn’t think the world of you and I’m so blessed to say that you are my uncle. I’ve had many people message me on Facebook who said they knew you either from school or the bank. One of your friends said that she appreciated you so much and was blessed to have a friend like you during her chemo treatments. She said you were the only one who sent her positive messages daily. It made me so happy to hear all of the wonderful stories your friends were telling me and it just validated what I already knew, and that’s that you have a heart of gold. Please say hi to Paye and my cousin Boti for me. I’m going to talk to you every day now too, so listen out for me. I love you so much and I’ll see you soon!”

I stayed until around 4:30am as my sister was ready to leave. I had my alarm set for 8:30am so I could head back to my aunt’s house and before it could go off my phone rang. It was my dad, “mija, you’re tio passed away just a few minutes ago…” I knew it was coming but I couldn’t help but be upset that I wasn’t there. The only consolation I had was that I was able to talk to him alone. I knew he could hear me because his eyes were moving and he made a facial expression. So we hurried and headed to my aunt’s house where we all stood around his lifeless body until the funeral home came and took him. His body was still warm from the fever he had the night before. Once the nurse cleaned him up I just ran my fingers through his hair and soaked in the last time I’d ever see my uncle’s physical presence.

For 38 years he graced the world with his love and generosity and for 25 years of those I was blessed to have him in my life. Never in that time did I imagine he’d be gone this soon, but God am I grateful to have had him in my life. He taught me many things growing up, but the most important thing he taught me was to always be positive and always love your family.

 The Pelayo Brothers

       

I now get to see his face in my little cousin’s Adrian and Julian, and know the love he had when I look at my aunt.

His beautiful family

Two losses in less than one month…it’s been extremely difficult, but the love I have for those my families have lost is what keeps me going.

R.I.P. Juan Jose Pelayo

Always in my heart

Gone So Soon

God called upon another angel just last week. My sweet and kindhearted cousin, only 24 years old, was taken from the Earth and sent to Heaven.

As a baby, Jose Arguello, also known as Boti (Bo-tee) was a little chunkster with curly hair. When I look back at him growing up I picture the cute little kid with glasses. He had a half-smirk that was almost like he didn’t want to smile with his entire mouth, just one end of it.

My cousins and I have all had the blessing of growing up together, gathering at our grandparents (great-grandparents for me) house on Sunday’s. We were not only family, but the closest of friends. Although we differed in age, we all still had a close bond as children. Playing outside in front of the house or in the driveway. Impatiently awaiting the bells of the paletero man that would come from 26^th street and turn the corner as he knew to expect 10+ kids waiting for him. For Christmas it was all of us, too many to count on one hand, keeping each other awake as our parents forced us to wait until midnight to open the what seemed like over 100 gifts. 

So many wonderful memories that we all have to cherish with our cousin, brother, son, and friend. As he grew into a young adult he did face some challenges that many of us face. Tough life decisions and knowing what path to take was something Boti dealt with and expressed to those who took the time to hear him out.  

My last memory of my beloved cousin Boti was during my visit to Chicago in May. As we all know, life has a way of distancing people no matter how close you once were in the past. For Boti and I, that's what happened. So during my visit to Chicago it was a shock to me when he came up to me as I was in the kitchen with all of the girl cousins and asked me to come play basketball with him. I'm a huge Bulls fan so I'm sure he assumed I'd be up for it. Being that it was a shock to me I followed him to the garage. We played a little basketball via the net version for kids. After he noticed I clearly was not a pro we just stood to the side and talked for a little. He asked me how Texas was and listened to me as I went on about how much I missed everyone back home. I then asked him how he was doing and that's when I realized, he just needed someone to talk to. He went on about how he felt out of place, he didn't know what was next for him and he needed to get away. He asked about going to Texas and I told him that I would love to have him over, even if he wanted an extended stay. We talked some more and that's what we left off on, that he'd tell me when he could go to Texas and stay with us so he can get away. 

When I left that night I gave him a hug and said I'd wait for his call, text, or Facebook message. Looking back on it now how I wish I would have told him I love you Boti and squeezed him tighter to let him know how much I cared for him. The night of the accident I laid in bed and just thought about all of my memories with him. I stayed up for 6 hours not caring that I had to be at work the next morning. I thought about all his Facebook posts and how I'd sometimes wonder what was going on based on what he'd write and then I realized, it was really a yearn for someone to genuinely listen to him. He must have felt so misunderstood. 

Jose, Boti, lived a short life, but in that short time he brought so many wonderful memories to those who love him. Looking at it now I feel that God purposely put him in the lives of his loved ones to give us those memories, to show us what a truly genuine and loving person looks like, and that he was. 

Boti, I just want you to know how much I love and miss you. I hope you know that you are and always will be welcome in my home if ever you want to visit me, I may not be able to see you, but I hope to know you're there. 

New Chapters

It's crazy how much can change in just a few months. As much as I love Chicago, it's sad to say that living there isn't as great as far as an economic standpoint.

It's been almost 4 months now that my boyfriend and I moved to Dallas.

Having visited my aunt, who moved here 13 years ago, I grew to love it here. Each visit down here I'd entertain the idea of moving here one day and now here I am! Dallas is truly a beautiful city filled with such wonderful and kindhearted people. Although, these are also the same people who are terrible drivers and wouldn't last a day in Chicago. haha Either way, it has been a roller coaster of emotions since moving here. 

Born and raised in Chicago our minds are already set at working over 100 mph because we live in such a fast paced city. Dallas, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. People are very relaxed here, no one is in a hurry, and everyone is used to it. 

That being said, I was accustomed to applying for jobs and getting them either the same day or the next. Applying for jobs here really tested my patience and hit my ego. It took me one month and two weeks to find a job out here and my boyfriend could tell you that I was not the easiest person to deal with during that time. The money wasn't much of an issue because we had saved, but it was the fact that I wasn't getting calls, second interviews, or even a bite. This truly was a test for me and made me reach out to God as I always have in the past. God, why is it so hard for me to find a job? Am I not good enough? These were questions I'd ask Him daily and each day it seemed to get harder. 

This had to have been one of the many times God had to teach me that good things come to those who have faith and wait patiently on God's timing. He came through for me and in the most amazing way by blessing me with the greatest opportunity that could have been given to me and at the highest salary I've ever made in my career. If that isn't God saying "I told you I'm taking care of you," I don't know how else to take it. This new career opportunity gave us the chance to finally get a place of our own and fully begin this new journey in our lives in a new state. 

Having been almost 4 months I find it is still difficult for me to get over not being able to see my family like I used to. Every time I see a post on Facebook or I happen to call when everyone is together it still brings such sadness to know I'm not there. Luckily for me, technology helps to make it just a little bit easier by Facetiming. My biggest fear is that my little sister who is 2 won't remember me. I fear that I'm missing out on being there for my sister who just purchased her first condo at 20. Just this last weekend I missed another housewarming party for her. Last night was another of the handful of nights I've cried myself to sleep from how much I miss my parents and siblings. 

I am blessed that I have my boyfriend with me through it all, to comfort me and tell me it'll be okay. On many occasions he's asked if I want to move back, but I know that it's hard on me now because it's still the beginning. I'm praying that with time my heart will feel more at ease and I'll begin to feel comfortable in my new home. 

So many people, even relatives, told me it might not be a good idea to move. Some thought I was running from problems, others just thought it was a phase. What no one understood was what I tried to explain to them all along, I just wanted a change. I didn't want to live my entire life only knowing one city. How could they think I would let a problem chase me away from my family? 

Bottom line, if you feel you want to try something new, please do not let even those closest try and talk you out of it. You do not want to live with regret for the rest of your life for not doing something you felt strongly about. New experiences are a blessing in life, to be here right now typing this is a blessing. If you are capable of doing so and just want a change, even if it's temporary, I urge you to take the necessary steps in doing so. You'll thank yourself later and even if it doesn't work, at least you tried. 

As for me, I will do my absolute best to work toward accepting what Dallas has to offer me. After all, it's already given me an amazing job with more benefits than I could have imagined. I will begin my journey to enjoy this 90 degree heat and long days. :)