I've lost 2 relatives on each side, my mom and dad's. It has been harder to deal with each time. I feel as though each time I pray to help heal the hearts of those who lost, we go through it all over again.
My cousin-in-law Karla was tragically taken the night of Christmas Eve by a drunk driver who hit her at 70mph and drove off. He was caught the next day, thank the Lord, but she leaves behind 3 children and was 7 months pregnant the night she was hit, the baby miraculously survived. Fortunately for my cousin, he was able to receive full custody of his children as the mother of his late wife was fighting for custody as well. Although I understand the want for the mother to have custody, she should understand that these children already lost one parent, but they still have their dad who loves them with all of his heart and is all he has left after losing his wife.
I didn't know Karla too much on a personal level, but I when we lost my cousin Jose in July she was there for Jose's sisters as she had recently lost her brother in March of 2015. She took care of gathering all of the pictures we all shared with them that we had of us with Jose and not only put together all of the poster boards, but created a beautiful slide show with a lovely song. That was really the first time I was able to see another side of her aside from casual hi and bye at family parties. It hurts me to know that the children will grow up without their mother, but I'm grateful my cousin is now able to be there for them.
On December 29th my dad sent a text to both my sister and I that read, "another sad and horrible day for our family girls. Gil, who I consider like my own brother, took his life last night. I'll let you know of the arrangement as soon as we finalize them. I love you two very much!!!" As soon as I finished reading it my heart sank and I thought to myself, please don't let it be who I think it is.
Gil is Karina's brother, Karina is my dad's wife and mother of my little sister Melani and brother Xavier. For the last 7 years Karina and my dad have been together we've gotten together for dinner or have had family parties with Karina's and our family. So for the last 7 years I have gotten to know Gil. He was always such a happy person, care-free and genuine. Like most teenagers growing up in a not-so-great neighborhood he had gotten into trouble, but was able to bounce back when my dad helped him start the process of turning his life around. He did just that, he wanted to be a police officer like my dad so he began working as a security guard at the mall in my dad's town. Everyone there loved him and always had great things to say about him to my dad.
As I was home for Christmas week and spending the day with my dad's side, Karina, Melani, Xavier, Mando and I went to the mall to have lunch. My dad's best friend Jimmy, who I see as an uncle to me, owns a restaurant in the food court so we go there to see him also. We were eating with Jimmy and decided to walk off some of the food we had just devoured and do some laps in the mall. We were walking and we see Gil coming toward us since he was working that day. He stopped to talk to us for a little and we caught up with him since we hadn't seen him since the last time we visited before Thanksgiving and had dinner together. After our little chat we said bye and gave each other the usual hug and kiss on the cheek. I would have never imagined that was the last time I'd ever see him.
Back to December 29th, I just couldn't believe it when I read it so I called my dad right away.
Me: Pa, please don't tell me this is the Gil I'm thinking about. Karina's brother?
Dad: Unfortunately, yes mija. I'm actually here right now at their parent's house.
(At this point I could hear Karina screaming and crying in the background.)
Me: Oh my goodness, that is terrible! Please tell her I'm so sorry and give her a big hug for me.
Dad: Okay mija I will. I'll talk to you later and give you more details once I am able to. I love you mija.
Me: Okay, love you too Pa.
As soon as I hung out I just couldn't hold it in and just began to cry. Mando had been next to me the entire time as I was on the phone with my dad so he just held me as I cried. I had just seen him not even a week before, how could he be gone? Then I started to imagine the pain Karina must have been dealing with and I began to cry harder. Karina and I have had our issues in the past, but we have grown so much closer in the last 2.5 years since my baby sister was born. My heart hurt so much for her to know she had lost her little brother. Gil was only 22 years old with his entire life ahead of him, a new wife who he had just married 3 weeks prior and a family that loved him.
The last two losses I was not able to be there for the wake nor funeral due to work and travel, which made it even harder to deal with over 900 miles away. All I kept thinking about was how much sadness was in each house. How hurt my dad and Karina were as they now have both lost their younger brothers. All four losses this year of extremely young souls who were gone way too soon. Our only consolation is knowing they're with God now in the kingdom of heaven, awaiting us when it's our time.
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| Jose Arguello, Juan Jose Pelayo, Karla Leanos, and Gil Ramirez |
I cannot stress enough how important it is to leave nothing unsaid to your loved ones. How important it is to not let anger fester in your heart and keep you away from your family. Everyone has family drama, it's a given, but to let it go on for years and allow you to break apart your family is one of the worst things you can do. I've told my family that if God forbid I were to pass away suddenly, I do not want any of them to regret not having stayed in contact with me or not expressing how they feel toward me.
My goal has been to call or text my parents and siblings everyday and tell them I love them. I know we all have our own lives and it gets busy, but let's not forget what is most important, family.
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