If you are someone who considers themselves a daddy's girl and after reading that think to yourself, that is so not me, I am with you 90%!
Growing up I was definitely a daddy's girl. If my dad went to the store I wanted to go with, when he'd leave for work I wanted to go with, if he was going out to the garage I wanted to go with. My dad was my hero, the man I looked up to as a little girl and loved him with all of my heart! Truthfully, I was very spoiled, but not bratty. My dad would pay all of my bills (phone and car insurance, except my car payment) until I moved out when I was 20. This is where the 10% comes from as I do agree with the spoiled and having my dad pay for certain expenses.
When I was 12 years old and, as I mentioned before, I began to notice that my dad did not love my mom as she loved him, and I told my mom to leave him. Seeing how my dad would go out, flirt with other women, and not give my mom the attention I knew she wanted hurt me as if he were doing it to me. Even after my mom found out my dad was being unfaithful and had proof, she stayed. She stayed for the same reason so many women stay, she was so madly in love and wanted her children to grow up with their dad in their life. Although I do appreciate her staying for our sake, I still think she made the wrong decision. This is when the daddy's girl phase began to fade out...
My parents marriage grew worse as the years went by and having witnessed everything that went on made me begin to grow angry with my dad. Angry that he couldn't stay faithful to my mom and love her like he once did. I would ask myself all the time, why aren't we enough? Finally, after years of unhappiness and realization that my dad was not going to change, my mom and him separated. That is when my mom began to live her life, go out with friends, hang out with different people, and just enjoy life.
Still living in the same house, but in different bedrooms, I knew they were each seeing other people and as odd as it may seem, my sister and I were fine with it. Mainly because this meant she and I were free to go out as we pleased and get home as late as we wanted, all the while my parents were so busy being free after almost 25 years. It was as if I was the adult in the family and my sister, 14-16 at the time, became my responsibility.
This one summer before the family completely fell apart, my dad told me we'd be going on a family vacation to Orlando. Disney World was always a favorite vacation spot of ours because my sister and I enjoy rides and have gone more times than most children combined. I was so excited and without even thinking I told my mom that we'd all be going, because I assumed it'd be us four as always. A few weeks before we leave my dad confronted me about telling my mom and then told me she wouldn't be going, that it would just be him, my sister, and my boyfriend at the time. I felt so bad, I mean so heartbroken to have to tell my mom that my dad did not plan on her to go with us.
The day arrives for us to leave to Florida, and this was one of the times we decided we'd drive there. My sister, ex boyfriend, and I were waiting for my dad who said he was going to the store to pick something up. Almost an hour later he arrives...and he's not alone. My dad gets out of the car with a big smile on his face as he opens the passenger door and out comes, his GIRLFRIEND!
What an awkward car ride that was, being in the car with a stranger to all of us except my dad. Watching him in the mirror, smiling at her, looking very happy. It was sickening to me because as I later found out, she was one month younger than me. Are you kidding me? My dad is with someone who is my age? So disgusting.
As the week went by during our vacation my sister and I got to know her and by the end of it we were okay with it, as long as our dad was happy. We had a good relationship with one another for quite a while...and then the incident which turned the fading of me being a daddy's girl to a complete end.
Long story short, my mom and my dad's girlfriend somehow began texting and some very rude comments were exchanged between the two. It was definitely both of their faults and being that my mom was clearly more mature than my dad's girlfriend, should have been the bigger person. However, when you find out your husband is dating someone your daughter's age, it doesn't sit quite well with you and being the bigger person is usually buried in the back of your mind. Somewhere among the texts my dad's girlfriend began to criticize my mom by using some of my mom's disabilities. My mom has always had a case of depression due to her childhood and has had quite a few incidents in which she broke her tailbone, hip, and this caused her to be physically unable to work full time. Now what I don't understand is why my dad's girlfriend knew this, but she basically called out my mom based on her disabilities and saying it caused her to be a terrible mother to my sister and I.
Excuse me? Did you grow up with her as a mother? Did you deal with my dad's infidelity? How dare you say MY mother is a bad mom! At this point I am fuming because although it is something my mom cannot control, I knew it hurt her. So I text my dad and I told him to control that child of his and for her to never speak of my mom like that again.
That text sparked the end of my dad's and my relationship.
That was the point in which I moved out of my dad's house and moved in with my mom. I cut ties with my dad's girlfriend and only spoke to my dad if necessary, mainly for my sister's sake. Living with my friend at the time I began to go out almost every night, I started to skip classes, I lost my job at the bank I was supervisor at, and in the midst of all of that I was losing my boyfriend of almost 7 years.
My dad blamed me for him and I not speaking. He said it wasn't my argument to have gotten in the middle of. How could he not expect me to defend my own mother when he put his mother first since I could remember? As 2 years passed I rarely would see my dad and solemnly communicated via email, usually arguments about how he stood beside his girlfriend and that I needed to grow up. My dad was absent for many things that happened, he didn't meet any of the guys I was dating, he wasn't there for me emotionally when my grandfather passed away, and that was what hurt me the most. My mom stood up and was both my mom and dad for quite some time.
I always had a great relationship with my grandparents on my mom's side and with the presence of my dad gone, my grandpa was there for me more than ever with great advice. He would always support me, tell me how proud he was of me, tell me stories of his childhood, and just be the greatest father figure he was able to be; as he was bedridden from fighting cancer for over 10years and then getting shingles. My grandpa did the best he could and would still talk highly of my dad to me when I would tell him how upset I was. He would tell me how he would want for his children from his first marriage to forgive him as well as he loved them so much. That was what hurt me more, was to see the pain in his eyes when he would talk about his children from his first marriage.
Before my grandfather, my Paye, passed away he told me
something so important that it has stayed with me. He told me, "mija (Spanish word for daughter/daughter figure)
you have to appreciate everything in this world that God has blessed
you with. Right now you are holding all of your blessings in your hand
and you have it in a fist. The more you take your blessings for granted
the more God has to pry each finger open one-by-one until you're left
with an open palm full of nothing."
Now, almost 5 years later, my dad and I have been working on becoming close for the last almost 2 years. The birth of my baby sister Melani was the reason for my wanting to rekindle our father-daughter relationship. I didn't want my sister to grow up and not know her oldest sister or just hear of me. So far it's been getting much better, but having my dad miss almost 3 years of obstacles, events, successes in my life was not how I pictured it.
My forgiving my dad could not have been possible without God. After losing so much in just one year I was at my lowest and I needed something to pick me up, I realized I needed God. With God's grace I was able to slowly forgive my dad, leave it in the past, and work on rebuilding our relationship and the relationship with his now fiance.
I know not everyone may be tied to a religion or faith, but when thinking about relationships with your parents just think, you only get one set in your life. If it's something petty or even a situation similar to mine, forgive for yourself. It's also incredibly important that if you have daddy issues to be sure you don't look for that attention in a man...but that will be for another post. =)
For if you forgive men when they
sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you
do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. -Matthew 6:45-15
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