I'm not going to lie and say that wasn't, and still isn't, Mando and I. We are very much in love and still in our honeymoon stage. In the 1 year and 3 months we have been together I still get butterflies and miss him as soon as he leaves. Our relationship was one that blossomed so beautifully and quickly. Within the first 2 weeks of dating I knew he was different and I knew he'd be around for a while. After only 5 months together we knew we wanted to live together. He lived in bufu, a town that was 1hr away, and I lived closer to the city.
We moved in after 5 months of dating and boy did we hear the backlash. It's too soon, you don't know each other well enough, you're going to regret it, are you sure you're doing the right thing? I know that my family and friends were just looking out for me, but what people need to understand is that no one besides you and your person know and feel the love that is there. No one but you and your person feel the connection, the bond, the desire that exists to be with one another. So many times I heard that things would change, we'd get to know how each lives, and we may not like it. I knew there would be a chance I wouldn't like certain things, but that didn't matter.
It's been almost 8 months now that we've been living together and aside from the occasional him leaving the toilet seat up and me not picking up my hair from the shower, it's been amazing! The only thing that keeps me from feeling 100% complete is knowing that I am living in sin. I keep trying to convince myself that we are in different times and no one really waits until they're married, but that is completely false. My reasoning for staying in my situation is because I know what I have, I know that marriage is in our future. The day I am married in God's house will be the day I can lift that guilt from my shoulders. Until then, I continue to be grateful for what I have, but will have that in the back of my mind. This is why I do not claim to have it all figured out, I know my faults, and I admit to them.
There are a few things I've learned from past relationships that are big DON'Ts:
- Do not talk bad about your person to others, most times that causes them to have negative feelings toward your person and it might ruin their image.
- Do not let the past get into the present. If you forgive your person for something, do not use it against them in the future because you chose to move past it. (I'm still working on this myself)
- Do not compare your person to previous relationships, things won't be the same, hence the reason you're not in that relationship anymore.
- Do not expect your person to read your mind, communication is key, just let them know what it is you'd like.
- Do not assume, always remember...when you assume it makes an ASS out of U and ME. Just ask.
- Do not force your person to change or have your views on certain things.
That last one is very important and crucial in the relationship. Time and time again I've witnessed relationships being torn apart because one person wants the other to change or do something they're not comfortable with. Sadly it happens more in the case where the woman is pushing for marriage. What us women fail to realize is that by you pushing him to propose, you are pushing him further away from it. A man wants to know that he's doing it because he wants to, not because he's being told he has to or you feel it's time he does.
Having gone through a bad relationship myself I realized what my faults were and knew that my relationships would continue to end the same if I didn't better myself. I was once the girlfriend who was extremely jealous, always angry, bitter, stubborn, and just wanted everything to go my way. I'm not saying I'm the greatest girlfriend in the world now, but I realized I needed to be a better person in order for a man to be good to me. Treat others as you'd like to be treated. -Luke 6:31
When are you going to get married? It's been x many years, it's time now. I'm sure that's what you constantly hear from family, but just remember that no one delegates your relationship but you and your person. Who cares about what people may tell you, just remember that you're with your person for a reason and have faith it'll happen soon. Now if a man tells you from the beginning marriage isn't on his mind at all, then I must ask, why are you still there? If marriage is your goal then you must be upfront in the beginning of the relationship on what you expect to get out of it. Simple as that. Women especially get so caught up in the actual wedding with the dress, center pieces, music, etc. that they forget what is most important...the actual marriage.
In the end it always comes down to knowing what you have. Knowing your person is the one who makes you happy, who is the only person who can get you so mad, but be the only one who can make you feel better. This goes for both men and women, do not let others cause problems in your relationship. When I mean others I mean everyone, even your family. Unless there is something that is seriously wrong such as being abused physically or mentally, infidelity, or disrespectful then I would understand. However, if someone is trying to stir problems just because they don't like your person then why let that ruin your happiness? No one knows your person the way you do plain and simple.
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