A Relationship Is Only For Two

We all know the term, honeymoon stage, when it comes to new relationships. The stage where you are so lovey dovey, your person can do no wrong, the PDA is off the roof, and it makes everyone around you plain sick.

I'm not going to lie and say that wasn't, and still isn't, Mando and I. We are very much in love and still in our honeymoon stage. In the 1 year and 3 months we have been together I still get butterflies and miss him as soon as he leaves. Our relationship was one that blossomed so beautifully and quickly. Within the first 2 weeks of dating I knew he was different and I knew he'd be around for a while. After only 5 months together we knew we wanted to live together. He lived in bufu, a town that was 1hr away, and I lived closer to the city.

We moved in after 5 months of dating and boy did we hear the backlash. It's too soon, you don't know each other well enough, you're going to regret it, are you sure you're doing the right thing? I know that my family and friends were just looking out for me, but what people need to understand is that no one besides you and your person know and feel the love that is there. No one but you and your person feel the connection, the bond, the desire that exists to be with one another. So many times I heard that things would change, we'd get to know how each lives, and we may not like it. I knew there would be a chance I wouldn't like certain things, but that didn't matter.

It's been almost 8 months now that we've been living together and aside from the occasional him leaving the toilet seat up and me not picking up my hair from the shower, it's been amazing! The only thing that keeps me from feeling 100% complete is knowing that I am living in sin. I keep trying to convince myself that we are in different times and no one really waits until they're married, but that is completely false. My reasoning for staying in my situation is because I know what I have, I know that marriage is in our future. The day I am married in God's house will be the day I can lift that guilt from my shoulders. Until then, I continue to be grateful for what I have, but will have that in the back of my mind. This is why I do not claim to have it all figured out, I know my faults, and I admit to them.

There are a few things I've learned from past relationships that are big DON'Ts:

• Do not talk bad about your person to others, most times that causes them to have negative feelings toward your person and it might ruin their image.
• Do not let the past get into the present. If you forgive your person for something, do not use it against them in the future because you chose to move past it. (I'm still working on this myself)
• Do not compare your person to previous relationships, things won't be the same, hence the reason you're not in that relationship anymore. 
• Do not expect your person to read your mind, communication is key, just let them know what it is you'd like. 
• Do not assume, always remember...when you assume it makes an ASS out of U and ME. Just ask. 
• Do not force your person to change or have your views on certain things. 

That last one is very important and crucial in the relationship. Time and time again I've witnessed relationships being torn apart because one person wants the other to change or do something they're not comfortable with. Sadly it happens more in the case where the woman is pushing for marriage. What us women fail to realize is that by you pushing him to propose, you are pushing him further away from it. A man wants to know that he's doing it because he wants to, not because he's being told he has to or you feel it's time he does.

Having gone through a bad relationship myself I realized what my faults were and knew that my relationships would continue to end the same if I didn't better myself. I was once the girlfriend who was extremely jealous, always angry, bitter, stubborn, and just wanted everything to go my way. I'm not saying I'm the greatest girlfriend in the world now, but I realized I needed to be a better person in order for a man to be good to me. Treat others as you'd like to be treated. -Luke 6:31

When are you going to get married? It's been x many years, it's time now. I'm sure that's what you constantly hear from family, but just remember that no one delegates your relationship but you and your person. Who cares about what people may tell you, just remember that you're with your person for a reason and have faith it'll happen soon. Now if a man tells you from the beginning marriage isn't on his mind at all, then I must ask, why are you still there? If marriage is your goal then you must be upfront in the beginning of the relationship on what you expect to get out of it. Simple as that. Women especially get so caught up in the actual wedding with the dress, center pieces, music, etc. that they forget what is most important...the actual marriage.

In the end it always comes down to knowing what you have. Knowing your person is the one who makes you happy, who is the only person who can get you so mad, but be the only one who can make you feel better. This goes for both men and women, do not let others cause problems in your relationship. When I mean others I mean everyone, even your family. Unless there is something that is seriously wrong such as being abused physically or mentally, infidelity, or disrespectful then I would understand. However, if someone is trying to stir problems just because they don't like your person then why let that ruin your happiness? No one knows your person the way you do plain and simple.  

The Aftermath and Healing

Although I began to attend church, the emotional burden of having had the abortion was more than I could handle. I felt so lost, so incredibly damaged. Being only 21 I couldn't help but think I had screwed up royally and so early in life. People always say you get one big mistake in your life and I used mine up at only 21 years old...

They say time heals all wounds and when you're currently going through a rough situation you think what a bunch of crap. Well being on the other end of it now, let me just say, it's the truth. It took me almost an entire 2 years to get over my first love. That's a long time of dealing with a heartbreak and a long time trying different methods to cope with it. My friend called me a serial dater because I dated so many guys, each only lasting 2 weeks max. No one really understood my reason, but after having spent almost 7 years with one person believing you weren't ever going to have to date again, you make it a point to be sure of the next one.

If anyone ever criticizes you for being too picky or having high standards, don't listen. We all have our reasons and mine was simple, I wasn't going to waste anymore time. So I would meet a guy, go on a date, maybe a few if they were lucky, and if there were red flags there wouldn't be a second date. After having gone through so many issues and believing I could change my ex I realized you can't change a person, you just accept them for who they are. I can't even remember the countless dates I went on, but one thing I knew for sure was that he would have to be real special to catch my attention.

It took me over 2 years to finally find someone who I thought was worth my time, my unconditional love. This is when you know you really found someone you love like you have never loved before, and that's when you want to be the best version of yourself. It is indescribable the feeling that captivates your heart when you have found someone who loves you so deeply as you love them. Let me just say that Mando has made me want to be a better woman, a Godly woman.

I thank God for bringing him into my life and I truly believe He did because of my faith in Him. It was unreal and I know most people find it hard to believe who don't have strong enough faith, but God truly spoke to me in different ways when I asked Him to guide me when finding my person. It was the most unreal thing when I would ask God to give me a sign and He would!

I was seeing this guy who I thought was great, he was a gentleman and genuinely cared for me. The only downside was that he had a child and baby mama drama with his ex. It did bother me, but since he made time for me I figured we could try to make it work. One night I cried to God in my usual nightly prayer and asked Him to please give me a sign if things weren't mean to be with that guy and I. I usually would talk to God as if He were my best friend, telling Him all of my problems and asking for guidance. So the next morning I awoke to a text message from that guy saying that he had met up with his ex the night before and she wanted to try being a family with him and their son, but he was hesitant because of me. I knew right then he wasn't the one for me and without even realizing had a big smile on my face because I knew in my heart that God was giving me a sign. So I ended it.

This happened about 2 times after and each time I knew in my heart that God was giving me a sign I'd listen and end things. Each time I ended things it became easier on my heart to let go, as if God were healing my heart because I had faith in Him. Having done this for some time and giving my all to God I would continue to pray that He send me the one, the man who I deserved.

There is a passage in my book on uplifting thoughts that reads, "God and Time will heal all wounds. Every sunrise is a new day, and a new beginning. Each day God gives us another opportunity to dance in the glow of His light and happiness. Don’t stand there watching, join the dance." Then the verse from the Bible for that day was, You have turned for me my mourning into dancing. –Psalm 30:11.

If you remind yourself every morning as soon as you wake up to thank God for giving you another day you're already starting your day off on the right foot. I cannot help but remember what my grandpa told me about not appreciating your blessings in life and holding on too tight. Well God pried each and every finger in my hand open until it was all gone only to have me rebuild my life...the right way this time. This time I was to take all of the broken pieces and build myself up as a woman of God and a pure heart ready to be filled with a heart like God.

There hasn't been one day in my life that I can honestly say I ever questioned that God existed. Sure there were days I'd question why He let certain things happen to me, but never did I doubt Him. There was one night that I remember crying before going to bed and asking God why me? I fell asleep with tears still flowing down my cheeks and had one of the scariest and meaningful dreams.

I'm sleeping in my bed and am suddenly awaken by a tugging at my feet. I open my eyes only to find that the devil is pulling at my feet trying to bring me down with him. Worried, scared, and frantic I begin to reach for the head rest of my bed to keep myself from being pulled down. I look up and see God standing at the head of my bed, just staring at me with a blank face as if saying you did this to yourself. Reaching out my hand so that God can hold on to me and keep me from being dragged He just stands, motionless. I'm screaming, and little did I know I was actually screaming, and am finally woken up by mom who was screaming and asking me if I was okay. I get up and just couldn't believe the dream I had. I tell my mom I'm okay, but just sit in bed wondering what in the world just happened.

From that day forward I made it a point to attend church on Sunday's, thank God every single day for all of His blessings, and asked Him to guide me in the right direction. So many of us have more blessings than half the people in this world and yet we don't realize it. Every morning I wake up and thank God for my blessings.

I thank Him for giving me another day, having a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in, an apartment of my own, AC/heater, running water, electricity, all of my body parts/organs/senses, being healthy, having clothes/shoes, hygiene essentials to keep clean, food to eat everyday, household items, furniture, and all of my earthly belongings. I thank Him for the luxuries in life (yes, luxuries) such as my job, my car, my education, a phone, television, internet, fashion accessories, and everything that makes my life easier. Lastly, I thank Him for the greatest blessings in my life which are my family, friends, Mando's family, and the Godly man He placed in my life...Mando.

Focusing and thanking God for the countless blessings I have in my life has allowed me to become the most humble I have been in my life. I very much in a sense let Jesus take the wheel and I'm glad I did because I am the happiest I have been in my entire life! Open your eyes, stop looking at the negative and focus on the positive. If you are able to wake up each day and not worry about how you're going to survive then consider yourself one of the luckiest people in the world.