Sisterhood

During a recent conversation ,during our hundreds, with my cousins I began to think about how fortunate I am to have such close bonds with many individuals in my family, specifically a sisterhood bond.

Urban dictionary defines Sisterhood as a bond between two or more girls, not always related by blood. They always tell the truth, honor each other, and love each other like sisters.  

I am more than blessed to have two sisterhood bonds.

The first is with my mom and my sister.

My mom has always been like my best friend since I was a little girl. I'm sure it had to do with the fact that she's a very young mom and was able to relate to me on a deeper level than older moms with their little ones. Even though we went through some very rough patches throughout the years we always pick back up after we've cooled down. Now that I am older and about to get married, I definitely seek my mom for wisdom, guidance, and a listening ear.

The relationship I've had with my sister has taken many forms over the course of the years. It started as a nurturing type in that I treated her as if she were my baby when she was born. I always had her in mind, took care of her, wanted to feed her, change her diapers, etc. Once she got a little older it was more of a playing partner. I then had someone to do things with such as play Super Nintendo, watch Power Rangers, roller blade, bike ride, and all of the fun things we do as kids. Even as I began my first serious relationship she went everywhere with me, not only because it was something my parents required in order for me to go out, but I truly enjoyed having her there. Even as I got older and my parents didn't make me take her with me to my boyfriend's (at the time) house I would still invite her over because I knew it was a nice escape for her too. It's crazy to think that now we are both adults and our relationship is stronger than it has ever been. She is such a mature woman that even being the older sister I still turn to her for advice.

The second sisterhood I'm blessed to be in is with my cousins.



 

Coming from a huge family on both sides, I have more cousins than the average family. However, being Mexican-American we do not do the first/second/third cousins. So those I consider my cousins are technically "second cousins," but again, we don't see it that way. The sisterhood I have is with the cousins on my mom's side. There is 7 of us ranging in age from our mid-twenties to early-thirties, and I'm the baby of the group (as always).

I can't say I have been close to them my entire life because I am younger and naturally when you're in your teens the last thing you want is your "annoying little cousin" to be in your business. It wasn't until 3 years ago when I started dating my now-fiancé that I was included in the group. At this point I was already 23, living on my own, and in a serious relationship so I'm sure it made it easier for my cousins to relate to me, who were mom's and some were married .

When I read the definition from Urban Dictionary it struck me that we hit all 3 key points, we tell each other the truth, we honor each other, and love each other like sisters.

Telling the truth, boy do we do that. What I truly love is that we can be brutally honest with each other and not take things personal. We tell each other what we know we can't say out loud to others, but need to let out and who better to vent to than your sisters. We confide in each other to let out our demons because we know we'll receive not only constructive criticism, but tough love as well. We honor each other each day and it's something I know we don't ever have to question. Lastly, we love each other like sisters because we know blood is thicker than water and family is always number 1.

One of the most important aspects of my sisterhood with my cousins is that we are all very much into our faith. We know that even though we may not all be the same denomination, God is always first in our lives and He is what brings us all together. I know for me it allows me to be open with my faith, how much I love Him, and how to grow closer to Him. There is nothing greater than having a group of strong, intelligent, strong-willed, independent, beautiful, kind hearted and Godly women who you can confide in, talk about God with, and know will always be there for you.

If you are fortunate enough to have a close bond with select special ladies in your life, work hard to keep it the bond strong. No one but women understand the intense creatures of emotions we are and we need to stick together to assure we are not alone. If you have a sister, cousin, aunt, or another close relative that you haven't spoken to in a while, I encourage you to reach out to them. You can't please everyone, but if you have a group of close relatives or friends who you know is willing to fight alongside you, those are the people you want in every season of your life.

I know who mine are, do you? 

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Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? - Ecclesiastes 4:9-11

 

 

Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,”

And call understanding your intimate friend; - Proverbs 7:4

Personality Core Types, What's Yours?

I have had quite a few jobs in my career which means I've completed about 10-15 job applications and interviews. I can honestly say that my current company has the most extensive interviewing and hiring process I have ever encountered.

Application process:

• Two hour questionnaire with over 150 questions that range in subjects.

Interviewing process:

• Interview with the company recruiter who then asks more questions to try and get a feel of the type of person you are.
• A spelling test, yes you read that right, a spelling test of 50 words that you had to pass with a score of 100%. The recruiter than decides at the end of the interview whether she will send you to the second interview with the hiring manager at the company.

Second interview process:

• Take a set of five evaluations with even more questions, this time questions on personal opinions regarding the workplace and personal behaviors.
• Interview with the hiring manager and operations manager at the company.

Not even 15 minutes after I left the second interview I received a phone call with the job offer. I have to admit I was quite relieved since I had spent so much time trying to get this job.

Upon starting at my new job I was told I'd be seeing the company psychiatrist for the first six months so that she could put me in the correct department based on my "core type." Being that this is the first time I've ever experienced this at a job, my first question was, what the heck is a core type.

During my first meeting with the psychiatrist she went over the results of all of the exams I had to take before getting this job and what the purpose was. Apparently the purpose of the test was to place me in my two strongest categories of the four this company looks for. The four core types are organizer, commander, relator, and entertainer.

She went over my results as follows in order of high percentage to lowest:

1. Commander
2. Organizer
3. Relator
4. Entertainer (I had about 3% in me)

Upon looking over what each one meant, it was not only intriguing, but resonated with me and my experiences in the past.

Commander - True leader of the world. They are decisive, goal-directed, confident, and capable. They are driven to succeed, and don't mind taking other to the top with them. They know what it takes to achieve an outcome and they understand that there is power in cooperation. They are excellent delegators who never ask more of their people than they are willing to do themselves. They are honorable, helpful, considerate of others and highly motivated to seek out and get positive results that will allow everyone to win. They want to control their own destinies, but have no desire to control others. They believe that the best way to achieve their own goals is to help others to achieve their goals as well. They are independent, adventurous and love a challenge. They are conscientious, efficient, and capable, and can do just about anything they set their mind to. They seek to inspire and motivate, rather than to control.

Organizer - Reserved and careful, but not overly cautious or suspicious. They are keenly observant, noticing details that others usually miss. They enjoy attending to details and tend to be task focused rather than people focused, but are very loyal to those they consider close. They are perceptive, sensitive and alert to subtle changes in environment or mood, so they catch things before they get out of hand. They are serious and industrious at work, and serious and dependable at home. They can be counted on to do what they say they will do and to carry out projects to the very end. Though they don't usually show their feelings easily, they have a great depth of feeling. While they are strict on themselves, wanting to control their environment, insofar as is possible, they prefer to teach by example and reason rather than to control others.

Relator - Gentle, caring, considerate and compassionate. They genuinely care about people and work at making relationships effective. They see and anticipate the needs of other sand are ever willing to lend a helping hand or a sympathetic ear when needed. They express their own wants and needs, but will seldom make demands on others. They recognize that indecisiveness can be detrimental to them and to building healthy relationships and so, have generally learned decision making skills. They are great team players. They are ever willing to adjust themselves in the interest of harmony, but will not allow themselves to be abused. Happy, healthy relationships are central to their own happiness. They have no need and no desire to control others. Their aim and goal is one of mutually supportive and beneficial relationships.

Entertainer - Interesting, colorful, talkative, energetic and enthusiastic. They enjoy variety and the energy they get from new experiences. They have rich imaginations and can turn the most mundane of events into something interesting with their flair for entertaining and story-telling in dramatic and colorful ways. They are open and honest about their feelings and express themselves easily and comfortably. They are affectionate, demonstrative and completely delightful to be around. Their passion and genuine enjoyment of life is contagious. They see interactions as the spice of life. They truly enjoy being with people and don't mind being center stage, though they don't always need to be the center of attention. They have learned that they can be more effective by sharing the limelight. They have a knack for motivating others. They have no need to control others, preferring to inspire them...and at that, they are masters.

I'm sure those who know me on a deeper level can laugh at my low score in the entertainer section because I can be incredibly anti-social, unless it's with family. What surprised me was my low score as a relator. I honestly believe I am equally an organizer as a relator. Throughout my entire career I have always strived to have positive relationship with my coworkers to create a much more pleasant environment. However, as I had more sessions with the company psychiatrist it was discovered that throughout the years I've become very cold. Now this I couldn't deny. Gone were the days of my innocence in Corporate America due to the blindfold being taken off and having to deal with the cut-throat truths that engulfs it.

My relator began to diminish when I started to see how much less people wanted a pleasant work environment and how much more it was a survival of the fittest, and in the case of Corporate America, survival of the most conniving. It's an ugly truth to discover in many places of business, but I know it's not present in every single business. There are the select few who have managed to keep the peace and make it a great place to work.

I'm sure you are curious as to what you are categorized as, so I encourage you to take a test that will give you similar results as this is from a private company solely for my place of work. Here is the link for a free personality test that places you in 1 of 16 different personality types, but they all tie in to the 4 core types I have mentioned here.

Old School Punishments

As there has been so much darkness in my life these past months, it's nice to have some light shed here and there.

For me, that light was my mom visiting for a day this last weekend. Although I was only able to spend a mere 10 hours with her, I made sure to soak up every minute of her visit.

While here she wanted to stop by my aunt's house to make sure she greeted her before she left. As we were conversing in the kitchen we started reminiscing on my childhood. I was reminded of all of the times my mom disciplined me as a child, and rightfully so.

Boy oh boy do I have countless stories of amazing (at that time terrible) punishments that make me realize my mom was a genius. Maybe in reading these you'd like to steal one or two for yourself in your own disciplinary actions with your children. All I know is, it most definitely worked. Even after getting spanked with the belt, had my ear pulled, or arm pinched it was definitely worth it in the end. This is in my opinion of course, everyone has their own thought on physical discipline and are entitled to it.

Dentist Mayhem
I was almost turning 6 when it was my time to go to the dentist for my first school check-up before starting 1st grade. I've always been a big chicken with everything, so naturally I was afraid of the dentist. According to my mom I would not stop crying nor would I allow the dentist to look at my teeth. It was so bad that the dentist told my mom that it may be better for them to reschedule since I wasn't making it easy for him. My mom being the person she was did not accept that so asked that we be excused to visit the restroom. I didn't have to pee of course, but man did I get a good butt warming. She told me that if I continued to cry or complain I'd be taking another trip to the bathroom with her. So what did I do? I got right back into the chair and stayed quiet the entire time.

Dreaded Shopping
Most kids at any age up until their teen years loathes shopping with their mom at the store. Unless it's something for us, we don't really want to spend hours upon end in the women's department. Being that typical child, my sister and I questioned my mom every 15 minutes or so if she was almost done. We must have grown tired of just walking around next to her like a shadow that we started playing in the clothes racks. This is course was not okay with my mom who then dragged us both out of the racks by our ears and said those dreaded six words...just wait until we get home. For another hour or so my sister and I followed close behind my mom as we just glanced at each other every minute or so dreading the ride home and what was waiting for us at home. That must have been the only time we prayed for our mom to continue shopping some more in hopes she'd forget our behavior. To our disappointment, that never happened and each time we'd get exactly what was waiting for us when we got home, a nice shiny belt to the butt.

Beans for Days
This has to be one of my mom's most infamous story on discipline with my sister and I. To this day it's something I never forget and makes me sick to my stomach, literally. It all started after school one day when my mom said we had to stop by the grocery store before getting home so she could get ingredients to make dinner. Well, it just so happens my sister and I thought we could persuade her to get us McDonald's instead.

Sis and I: Ma, can we get McDonald's just for today? We're hungry now.
Mom: No, I have to buy groceries so I can make dinner that will last us the entire week.
Sis and I: Please Ma, just today.
Mom: I said no, I don't have enough money to get both so I have to buy groceries so they can last us until next week.
Sis and I: Can't you just use your credit card?!

I don't think we even needed an answer at that point as we could tell how upset that comment made my mom.

Mom: You girls are so spoiled, you know that there are kids in Mexico who are starving and don't even have food to eat every single day like you girls do!

Not only was it an awkward trip to the grocery store, but it wasn't until we got home that we heard what our punishment was for saying such a thing.

Mom: Because you girls don't understand how great you girls have it, I'm going to make this entire pot (the big pot us Mexicans know as, the pozole pot) of frijoles de la olla (beans in the pot) and you girls will eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner until it's all gone!

Frijoles de la olla

For the next 7 days my sister and I ate nothing but frijoles de olla for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. We did this all while she cooked my dad enchiladas (his favorite) and steak. So there we were, having a family dinner as my sister and I had to watch them eat the good stuff as we suffered and ate beans. Ever since then, I have never been able to eat those type of beans again. Just thinking about it makes me want to puke. Some relatives who have heard the story tell my mom she went too far, but me having been the one who suffered through it, I'm glad she did. It was a great lesson to learn that when there isn't enough for a want, you have to go with what is needed.

These were just some of various punishments I endured growing up, but I am grateful to have received them all. Had it not been for the firm discipline my parents enforced I would not be the person I am today. They taught me the essentials in life to be a strong, independent, confident, and responsible person. So to my parents I say, thank you for punishing me. Thank you for having such high expectations from me and thank you most of all for loving me enough to teach me these important lessons. 

Grieving Hearts

It's sad to admit that my family has been no stranger to loss in 2015. My cousin Jose in July, my uncle Juan in August, my cousin-in-law Karla on Christmas Eve, and now my dad's brother-in-law Gil on December 29th.

I've lost 2 relatives on each side, my mom and dad's. It has been harder to deal with each time. I feel as though each time I pray to help heal the hearts of those who lost, we go through it all over again.

My cousin-in-law Karla was tragically taken the night of Christmas Eve by a drunk driver who hit her at 70mph and drove off. He was caught the next day, thank the Lord, but she leaves behind 3 children and was 7 months pregnant the night she was hit, the baby miraculously survived. Fortunately for my cousin, he was able to receive full custody of his children as the mother of his late wife was fighting for custody as well. Although I understand the want for the mother to have custody, she should understand that these children already lost one parent, but they still have their dad who loves them with all of his heart and is all he has left after losing his wife.

I didn't know Karla too much on a personal level, but I when we lost my cousin Jose in July she was there for Jose's sisters as she had recently lost her brother in March of 2015. She took care of gathering all of the pictures we all shared with them that we had of us with Jose and not only put together all of the poster boards, but created a beautiful slide show with a lovely song. That was really the first time I was able to see another side of her aside from casual hi and bye at family parties. It hurts me to know that the children will grow up without their mother, but I'm grateful my cousin is now able to be there for them.

On December 29th my dad sent a text to both my sister and I that read, "another sad and horrible day for our family girls. Gil, who I consider like my own brother, took his life last night. I'll let you know of the arrangement as soon as we finalize them. I love you two very much!!!" As soon as I finished reading it my heart sank and I thought to myself, please don't let it be who I think it is.

Gil is Karina's brother, Karina is my dad's wife and mother of my little sister Melani and brother Xavier. For the last 7 years Karina and my dad have been together we've gotten together for dinner or have had family parties with Karina's and our family. So for the last 7 years I have gotten to know Gil. He was always such a happy person, care-free and genuine. Like most teenagers growing up in a not-so-great neighborhood he had gotten into trouble, but was able to bounce back when my dad helped him start the process of turning his life around. He did just that, he wanted to be a police officer like my dad so he began working as a security guard at the mall in my dad's town. Everyone there loved him and always had great things to say about him to my dad.

As I was home for Christmas week and spending the day with my dad's side, Karina, Melani, Xavier, Mando and I went to the mall to have lunch. My dad's best friend Jimmy, who I see as an uncle to me, owns a restaurant in the food court so we go there to see him also. We were eating with Jimmy and decided to walk off some of the food we had just devoured and do some laps in the mall. We were walking and we see Gil coming toward us since he was working that day. He stopped to talk to us for a little and we caught up with him since we hadn't seen him since the last time we visited before Thanksgiving and had dinner together. After our little chat we said bye and gave each other the usual hug and kiss on the cheek. I would have never imagined that was the last time I'd ever see him.

Back to December 29th, I just couldn't believe it when I read it so I called my dad right away.

Me: Pa, please don't tell me this is the Gil I'm thinking about. Karina's brother?
Dad: Unfortunately, yes mija. I'm actually here right now at their parent's house.
(At this point I could hear Karina screaming and crying in the background.)
Me: Oh my goodness, that is terrible! Please tell her I'm so sorry and give her a big hug for me.
Dad: Okay mija I will. I'll talk to you later and give you more details once I am able to. I love you mija.
Me: Okay, love you too Pa.

As soon as I hung out I just couldn't hold it in and just began to cry. Mando had been next to me the entire time as I was on the phone with my dad so he just held me as I cried. I had just seen him not even a week before, how could he be gone? Then I started to imagine the pain Karina must have been dealing with and I began to cry harder. Karina and I have had our issues in the past, but we have grown so much closer in the last 2.5 years since my baby sister was born. My heart hurt so much for her to know she had lost her little brother. Gil was only 22 years old with his entire life ahead of him, a new wife who he had just married 3 weeks prior and a family that loved him.

The last two losses I was not able to be there for the wake nor funeral due to work and travel, which made it even harder to deal with over 900 miles away. All I kept thinking about was how much sadness was in each house. How hurt my dad and Karina were as they now have both lost their younger brothers. All four losses this year of extremely young souls who were gone way too soon. Our only consolation is knowing they're with God now in the kingdom of heaven, awaiting us when it's our time.



Jose Arguello, Juan Jose Pelayo, Karla Leanos, and Gil Ramirez

I cannot stress enough how important it is to leave nothing unsaid to your loved ones. How important it is to not let anger fester in your heart and keep you away from your family. Everyone has family drama, it's a given, but to let it go on for years and allow you to break apart your family is one of the worst things you can do. I've told my family that if God forbid I were to pass away suddenly, I do not want any of them to regret not having stayed in contact with me or not expressing how they feel toward me.

My goal has been to call or text my parents and siblings everyday and tell them I love them. I know we all have our own lives and it gets busy, but let's not forget what is most important, family.