With Age Comes Added Stress

It’s the night of my 28^th birthday, I’ve just had a full day of being pampered, sang to, showered with presents, and heartwarming birthday messages. My husband planned the perfect day with brunch with my dad’s family and dinner with my mom’s side.

The night is over and I’m getting ready for bed when I feel this big heavy cloud of worry cover my entire body. My palms start to sweat, my blood feels as though it’s rushing out of my body from my feet to my head. My heart feels like it’s going so fast it could burst out of chest at any moment. At this instant, my mind is overcome with fear as I feel like I’m dying. I leave the room and tell my husband I have to use the restroom, hoping that taking a seat on the toilet will help me to get over whatever is happening to me. I pee, wipe, wash my hands, and still the feeling is overwhelming. I get a cup of water to see if maybe I’m dehydrated, after all I do drink a ton of Coke and coffee daily. I drink a full glass of water and I’m still feeling in a panic.

I tell myself I’m going to be okay and lie down next to my husband. He tries to cuddle me like he does every night, but I can’t handle it at this moment. “No babe please, my stomach hurts,” is the lie I tell him. Lying on my left side facing away from him I’m lost in my thoughts, what the heck is going on? Why does my left arm feel tingly? Am I having a heart attack? “Ugh I have to go to the bathroom again, it must’ve been something I ate,” I tell my husband. I must’ve taken a while because by the time I came back to the bedroom he was asleep and I was left with my thoughts. Five hours later my sleep finally takes over and I’m able to fall asleep.

The next morning, I am feeling incredibly tired from only getting four hours of sleep the night before and my left arm is still tingling. I get to work at my normal start time of 7am and as I’m sitting at my desk I just can’t shake the nervous feeling I have and the tingling in my arm hasn’t gone away. As soon as my manager comes in I’ll ask her if I can go to a local urgent care center. 

Just to give you an idea of how critical this was for me, I am the worst when it comes to getting medical attention and faint when I see my blood. So for me to want to visit an urgent care center is quite a big deal. 

My manager finally arrives and I explain my symptoms and of course agrees I should leave immediately to a local urgent care center. Once I arrive I am automatically struck with nerves again just from waiting to be seen. The doctor conducts an EKG on me, checks my vitals, and does a urine pregnancy test. Everything came out fine, nothing out of the ordinary according to the doctor. Before I leave he tells me, "you don't strike me as someone who is very stressed." As I walked out I responded, "I didn't think I was either." The remainder of the day I spent at home, scared of what could trigger another episode and decided to get some sleep. 

The next day I get to work and start my daily routine as usual. In the middle of answering an email a sudden rush of fear strikes me and I begin to sweat. I feel trapped, my left arm is tingling, my heart is racing, I can't catch my breath. I stand up to take a walk to the restroom, but the fear at this point is so overwhelming I feel I might pass out. So I decide to step outside. It's about 45° out so it's a bit chilly, but in this moment it feels just right. I begin walking down the block and praying to God that He relieves me of whatever is happening to me. I prayed that God would help me to relax. As I crossed the street to continue my walk I began throwing up on random lawns of businesses. Embarrassed and scared at this point I called my manager and ask her to bring me water. It's truly a blessing to have a manager who is as caring as mine. She sees how shaken up I am and tells me to go see my doctor. 

As I begin my nearly 2 hour drive home, I still can't shake the nervous feeling I have so I decide to google the nearest hospital and drive myself there. I pull up to the Emergency Room parking and as I'm walking in I am telling myself to try and remain calm so that I can properly explain my symptoms. A nurse takes my vitals as soon as I arrive and noticing how nervous I am makes small talk with me about the weather. At this point I am in no way shape or form interested in discussing the weather, but I play along as I know this is his attempt to distract my mind. 

He tells me to sit in the waiting room until they call my name. I barely set my things down before I'm called and my heart begins to race. A nurse takes me to room 4 and instructs me to remove my clothing and put on the gown. "You can keep your socks on if you'd like, I know it's chilly in here. The doctor will be a few minutes." So I change and sit on the bed and when I turn on the TV Property Brothers is on. Automatically I think to myself, awesome, it's like God knew what I needed as a distraction (I absolutely love HGTV shows). The doctor walks in and is incredibly welcoming and asks me how I'm feeling. I begin to tell him the symptoms I had not even one hour ago at work. He explains that he wants to take an EKG test and that he'd have the nurse do some blood work to check my anemia, which I've had since I was 15 years old. The nurse begins to draw blood as the Doctor continues to explain that I've had a panic attack and the symptoms. At this point the nurse has drawn 6 tubes of blood and I'm already feeling as though I'm going to faint. I explain to them I feel incredibly uneasy and it's making me anxious again so the doctor instructs the nurse to remove the needle and tells her that will be enough. With the needle out of my arm the doctor says, "you realize I now cannot give you medication to relax." I tell him that it's fine and he leaves to review the EKG results. 

One episode of Property Brothers later, the doctor returns, "your EKG results are beautiful, your heart rate is faster than the average for people your age, but otherwise all is good. You will need to find an outlet to release stress to avoid these anxiety attacks, but I do suggest you visit your primary care physician. I'll have the nurse draw up the documents to have you released." Immediately after I leave I call my primary care doctor and set up an appointment for the following day and as soon as I hang up I begin to cry for the one hour long drive home. 

My primary care physician, who is the absolute best, explains that I have an anxiety disorder and prescribed me the lowest dosage of Xanax. Before leaving he strongly suggests I make an appointment with a cardiologist, which I make for that weekend so as not to miss another work day. 

The cardiologist tells me the sudden anxiety attacks may be a cause of an atrial septal defect, better known as a hole in the heart. He explains that he will have me on a heart monitor for 48 hours and schedules a bubble test. I was no stranger to the heart monitor as I've had 3 during my high school years, but since it hasn't evolved much it was just a tad bit uncomfortable and caused a few rashes. Luckily the monitor didn't find any irregularities in my heart. 

Then came the bubble test, which was beyond uncomfortable as I had to have a needle in my arm throughout the entire exam where 3 nurses had to be involved. First it started with the ultrasound technician setting me up for an ultrasound on my heart. Then another nurse came in to draw the needle and left it there ready for the bubble test. At this point I'm already in tears because I feel myself growing more anxious knowing the needle is just dangling on my arm. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, 2 nurses come in and begin to set up for their part in the bubble test. They fill one syringe with air and the other with saline. The ultrasound technician instructed them to wait on her count to 3 to begin. 

1....2.....3, Go. The nurse begins to infuse the air and saline together to agitate it and then released it into my veins. The ultrasound technician then tells them to stop and instructs me to crouch as if rolling into a ball. 1....2....3, GO. The nurses begin to inject more of the agitated saline into my veins and the ultrasound technician tells me to stop crouching. Each time the agitated saline was injected I felt it more than I had ever felt any injection before. It felt like a super cold rush of air going through my veins and into my chest. "The test is over sweety," the ultrasound technician tells me as I'm still quietly crying. "Please quickly remove the needle so she can begin to relax," she tells the nurses. 

I don't even know if I hooked my bra on properly because I was so eager to get out of there and just go to my car to bawl like a baby the way I wanted to during the exam. Thanks to God that the bubble test confirmed there aren't any holes in my heart, but as much as I was happy, I wanted to know what was causing my sudden anxiety attacks. 

The stresses I have dealt with at work are nothing compared to what I've dealt with during my college years when I had school, my full time job, and my internship. For now I guess I won't know the exact cause, but I am sure am grateful that I have not had another anxiety attack since that week and I pray that I won't have another again. 

Having dealt with this recently has truly given me such a deep understand and compassion for those who deal with this on a daily basis. After my first attack all I wanted to do was hug and hold tight those who I've known to have this problem in the past and tell them how sorry I am that they've had to go through it. I now truly understand the frustration people feel when told to "just calm down" or "you're over exaggerating you just need to relax." The last thing a person can do during an attack is relax or keep calm, and until you go through it you may never understand. 

What Our Pre-Cana Course Taught Us

As my husband and I begin to prepare for our holy matrimony, we recently took our pre-cana classes, which is one of the requirements before getting married in Church. To be honest, we both expected it to be boring and long. However, to our surprise it was something we both came out of feeling incredibly enlightened and filled with great lessons for the obstacles we have faced and will face in our marriage. 

Below are the key points we learned in our pre-cana class that I truly believe can be beneficial to marriages even outside of the Church. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Husband and Wife are the Church in their home, with God overseeing the home. 
We both have struggled with making Church a priority in our home by semi-regularly attending Sunday mass. However, we both have promised each other that we will make it a priority from now on to ensure we continuously keep God the focus in our marriage and all else will fall into place. 

The man must leave his mother and father and is now one with his Wife. 
This is pretty self explanatory, but yet the hardest for some men to do, even women. For me the transition came easy as I was already living on my own when I met my husband, but as you may have read in my previous posts it wasn't the easiest thing for my husband to do. 

Husband and Wife are first, second is the children (if any) and third is everyone else. If the husband and wife are not a strong unit, the children will notice the disconnect and will give them that perception of what a marriage should be like. This has always been an issue for many marriages, with mom's especially. In our pre-cana class alone there were two mother's who admitted they would tell their spouse that their children came first. The Priest made it a point to correct them and remind us all that when we take a vow to marry our spouse, we vow to put that person first above all else. The man and wife are the head of the household and if they're bond isn't tight-knit, everything else can fall apart. 

Be open to affection and acts of love. 
Do not put anyone else's preferences on PDA above showing your spouse your love and affection. For me, this has been an issue because of the fear of making those around me uncomfortable with my showing affection to my husband. I now understand that as a man and wife, it's okay to show affection because he is my husband and we are married. A kiss here or there, holding hands, hugging, these are all public forms of affection that are vital in a marriage to always feel loved by one another. Something we have instilled in our relationship from the start has been to always kiss each other good night and good morning, this truly helps to start and end each day on a positive note. 

Open communication is key on both parts. 
Assuming should be the last thing that is ever done in a marriage. Men shouldn't assume the woman to nag, cry, or be on their menstrual cycle and therefore not take into consideration what they are expressing. Women, do not assume your husbands will read your mind, be open and firm about what you're trying to express or expect. It's truly a blessing that both he and I are extremely open with one another and have great communication. At times there are struggles, but very minimal.  

Know where you stand on the desire of a family. 
Discussing how many kids you each want, or if you even want kids, is imperative before getting married. You definitely do not want to deceive the other with hopes of a family in the future and have no intention of ever doing so. Know where you stand and ensure your partner is aware as well. 

Open talk about finances. 
Finances has consistently been the number one issue in marriages. Always know that you are one now and there is no "my money is mine only" it's the money for your home and for your family, which is each other. This, I admit, has been a struggle of mine as well. I've been fortunate to be able to provide for myself for quite some time and having to share was hard for me in the beginning. However, I have learned from the first obstacle my husband faced after being laid off that it was my job to keep us afloat and that I did. I know if the tables were reversed, he'd do the same thing for our marriage. 

Defend your spouse always. 
Defend them against family (parents, siblings, extended family), friends, and strangers, within good reason of course. This is especially true in the Latino culture, unfortunately, because parents are so used to having their kids so close that they forget to create a life of their own with their own family. A great example given to us by the instructor, was an example of their own marriage and it brought me to tears. 

"If your spouse feels disrespected or unwelcome by your family and you make excuses that they're taking it the wrong way or that's just the way they are, then you are taking the side of your family and make your spouse feel alone or on the other side. Instead of making excuses, shield your spouse and tell your family either they respect and treat your spouse with kindness or risk losing communication. Your spouse is your family first now, everyone else is second." 

This brought me to tears not only because of the pain I could feel in his wife's eyes as she was standing next to him as he told us the story, but because he himself was in tears just reminiscing the pain he caused his wife all of those years that he was afraid to stand up to his family. 

It is no secret that this has been a battle of my own, but I have been reminded constantly to be patient and it has served me well. My husband has slowly but surely defended me and has made it a point to take a stand, whatever means necessary. One thing I would want all families to know when a relative of theirs marries someone and brings them into the family...remember that the new family member is exactly that. A new family member. They are not a random or fling that your relative is casually bringing around, it is their spouse, their partner, and the person who makes them happy. 

Never badmouth your spouse. 
No one needs to know your marital problems, unless you are confiding in your godparents of vigil, you do not want to risk others seeing your spouse in a negative light. I understand we all need to vent here and there, but keep in mind that those you vent to will always remember what your spouse has done and may hold it against them. 

Forget about the social norms regarding your wedding, marriage, and family life. 
Live as husband and wife the way God intended, and you will overcome any and all obstacles the marriage faces together as one. A good example the instructor's gave was that of a friend of theirs. In their friend's family it was almost customary that the couple have children soon after getting married. Of course, this is what does happen in many marriages, but for this couple it was nearly expected of them. Ultimately they decided not to give into the demands and expectations of their family, but waited until they were each ready. It's important to always keep your wants and needs first and not let the pressure of those around you persuade you. 

Before all of the above, God is first. 
God is to be the center of our marriage, the one we lean on during difficult times, our counselor, therapist, our guide.  With God, all things are possible. Ensuring that Sunday mass is attended, daily prayers are prayed, and giving thanks for our blessings is essential not only to our marriages, but our everyday lives. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

After we walked out of that class we both looked at each other and nearly in tears at this point knew what the other needed from us. Knowing that my husband finally understood my pain in some of the stories and lessons told to us was like being able to finally let out a big exhale. I'm sure the same was for him with the obstacles I too have caused. 

Since that day we have tried harder to do better for each other and in our marriage to prepare us for the day next month when we bring God into our marriage. 

A Man Who Treats His Woman Like A Queen, Deserves To Be Treated Like A King

No one in this world is perfect, we all know this as we're told numerous times growing up. However, when you find a person who does anything and everything in their power to make you happy, that is the closest to perfection as we can get.

Daily acknowledgement of how much you mean to them.

My husband and I say "I love you" every morning, as soon as I make it to work, when he texts me on his way home from work, before we go to bed, and numerous times during the day. I know we're told actions speak louder than words, but as a woman it's important to hear those three words for reassurance at times, especially if we're having a bad day. Just knowing your partner never tires of telling you how much they love you is amazing.

Reminds you of how beautiful you are.

Who wouldn't love to be called beautiful, gorgeous, lovely, hot, sexy? I know I do and blessed that my husband tells me I'm one of these at least once a day. In a world where we're constantly given examples of what "beautiful" is, it's nice to be told and have it confirmed that we are in fact beautiful even if we don't look like the models/actors.

Is considerate of your feelings.

Ladies, we all know that during our time of the month we can be a bit on edge and it can alter our normal behavior altogether. If your partner is aware of this and does anything and everything in their power to make you feel the least bit comfortable, that's a blessing. My husband knows when it's almost that time and prepares himself. He knows I love chocolate, so he'll buy me my favorite candy on his way home from work. He knows I get sleepy, so he ensures he's super quiet when getting out of bed so as not to wake me. He knows I am emotionally sensitive, so he tries to be more cautious as to what and how he says things. Men like this don't come around every day and I am aware of that and because of that I cherish him and am grateful for him.

Respects you.

Respect is in my top three of things I expect in my relationship. A relationship without respect is a relationship doomed for failure. If you or your partner don't respect each other than there is no moral ground to stand on and anything is fair game. One of the main issues for me and something I do not tolerate is for a partner to swear at me or call me names. Even when arguments get heated, it's important to remember to walk away before something is said that cannot be forgotten. I've been fortunate enough that my husband and I haven't slipped and crossed that line with one another. I respect him as the man that he is and he respects me for the woman that I am. Mutual respect is essential in any relationship in order for it to be successful.

Last, but not least, puts you first.

This has been one of the biggest things for me in every relationship that I have been in. This is mainly because of watching my dad not put my mom first in their marriage, when in the end, failed after twenty years. My dad put his mother first before his wife, my mom, and not only did it hurt the marriage, it hurt my mom. Now, this is not to say that men shouldn't care for their mothers, but once you marry they must realize their wife is their number one concern and priority on this earth after God (given that he is a Godly man). I made it extremely clear to my now husband that I was not going to come second to anyone but God and wouldn't accept anything less. After some time and numerous heated arguments he finally got the message and that is when I felt comfortable to marry him and begin our lives together as man and wife. I'm sure this is a struggle for many women out there and men as well, but we have to remember that God makes it very clear that a man is to leave his parents and shall join his wife and become one flesh. In addition, men are to love their wives as they love themselves.  After about one and a half years of dating my husband he understood that I was serious about this and began to understand the dynamics of the marriage I wanted, the marriage God intended for us to have, and after all of talks with God and prayers, it finally happened. My husband began to put me first, he began to stand up for me, he began to put my needs first, he began to always consider me in every decision he made. In return I was able to give myself freely to him and it has made it much easier to be a more submissive wife.

For all of these reasons and more I try my best to spoil my husband as much as he spoils me. Even if it's the smallest gesture, it'll go a long way.

»Make him his favorite meal.
»Give him a massage.
»Buy him something he's been wanting.
»Send him out for a guy's night.
»Do something he wants to do.
»Go somewhere he's been wanting to go.
»Make him breakfast in bed.

Anything you can do to make him feel special, loved, appreciated, needed, and wanted.

I decided to spoil my husband and gave him a long overdue mini getaway. I found a super cheap Groupon for a one night stay at a hotel downtown. Then while we were there I purchased another Groupon for discounted tickets to a museum we'd never been to. Lastly, I took him to a restaurant he's been wanting to go to that is not only known for their steaks (he loves steak), but is where they tape one of our favorite shows. He loves to walk around and not just be at home, so I figured we could explore and be tourists in our own city, even if it was just for a day and a half. A little bit goes a long way.

___________________________________________

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. – Ephesians 5:25-28