I cannot imagine the loss of a sibling, but just the sheer
thought of it makes my heart sink.
On Saturday, August 8th I received a call from my sister
asking if I could catch the next flight back to Chicago because my uncle was
unresponsive. The hospice nurse had examined him and said he was at his end. As
I was sitting on the couch waiting to go to the airport all I could think of
were all of the memories I had with my uncle. I've always said that I was the
luckiest of all the grandchildren on my dad's side because I was the first-born
and had all of the love and attention of all of my dad's brothers. They were
all in their teens when I was born as my dad is the oldest and he was 20. My
Tio Jose was 12 when I was born and being the first girl in the family he was
just as excited as everyone else. I can remember how much affection they'd show
me, how involved they were. I have pictures with all of them and you can see
the joy in our faces. I have family videos of all of my uncles so excited to
have their first niece, constantly calling out to get my attention.
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| My Tio with my sister and I |
So many memories running through my mind. My Tio Jose is the
youngest of the five brothers (my Tio Miguel, my dad, my Tio Francisco, Tio
Beto and Tio Jose) and is definitely the one who had the most energy.
Unfortunately he turned to alcohol at a very young age and became addicted.
This disease of his has put him in the hospital many times before, but because
it was something he felt he couldn't live without, he continued to drink.
Even though he had a drinking problem I noticed that it
didn't take a toll on his persona. He was still the same loving, affectionate,
and involved uncle he always was. Yes, his eyes were yellow and his
conversations much sillier and a tad bit annoying, but he would still ask how I
was and wanted to be involved. He still made sure to tell my boyfriend that he
had to take care of me because he loved me very much.
Once I arrived at O'Hare I couldn't wait to go see him. We
got to my Tia Brenda's house (his wife) and I went straight to the bedroom he
was in. As I walked in I felt the extreme heat of the small room filled with so
many people. All of my dad's brothers, my grandma, my grandpa who I hadn't seen
in almost 3 years and about 12 other extended relatives. As I looked down at my
uncle my eyes instantly filled with tears at the sight before me. The once
vibrant, big-eyed, and forever smiling 38 year old was on the bed not conscious
of anything. He no longer spoke, no longer opened his eyes, all we had in front
of us was a very sick person barely hanging on. It hit me more than ever, this
was the end for my sweet uncle.
All of us sat or stood in the room watching him, some
crying, and others outside talking about how sad this was. My dad and his
brothers were seated at each side of their little brother in silence until my
uncle Beto decided it was the best time for him to address the elephant in the
room between the brothers. Apparently before I arrived my dad was infuriated because
he was not okay with the fact that my uncle was released from the hospital only
to find out after that upon his release he signed a waiver notating that he did
not want to be resuscitated if it got to that point. Naturally, this would upset
anyone who wants to see their loved one fight, but it’s what my uncle wanted.
He was able to spend his last conscious day with his two little boys and on the
day that happened to be his oldest son’s 14th birthday. So my uncle Beto
decided to tell my dad in front of everyone, “I hope you know that this is what
he wanted.” Anyone who knows my dad knows that he is not pleasant when he is
upset.
It became an argument and we all tried to calm them down.
Tensions were definitely high and emotions were all over the place, so I
understood the aggression. However, I didn’t see it fit that they have that discussion
in front of my dying uncle. So I asked to speak to him alone so I could tell him everything I'd ever want him to know before it was too late.
“Tio, I know you can hear me and I cannot believe
we’re here right now in this situation. My heart is heavy with sadness and grief
at the thought of losing you. Do you remember when you dressed up as Michael
Myers on my 10th birthday and scared the crap out of all the kids and
the parents were furious? That was hilarious. I remember as a little girl you
used to play with me and carry me around. I was so honored to have been in your
wedding also as a bridesmaid, it truly meant the world to me. Watching you as
you had your first dance with my Tia Brenda I just thought to myself, I hope
one day my future husband looks at me that way, because the love you had for my
aunt was undeniable. I do hope that you can forgive my dad for being upset, he
just had so much hope for you and wanted to see you come out of this. You know
he’s always looked at you as more than just his little brother, but almost as a
son as well. He just loves you so much and it’s hard for him to accept that
this is what you wanted and I do hope you don’t count that against him. I’m
going to miss you so much Tio you have no idea. You brought so much happiness
into everyone’s life that had the privilege of knowing you. I don’t know one
soul who didn’t think the world of you and I’m so blessed to say that you are
my uncle. I’ve had many people message me on Facebook who said they knew you
either from school or the bank. One of your friends said that she appreciated
you so much and was blessed to have a friend like you during her chemo
treatments. She said you were the only one who sent her positive messages
daily. It made me so happy to hear all of the wonderful stories your friends
were telling me and it just validated what I already knew, and that’s that you
have a heart of gold. Please say hi to Paye and my cousin Boti for me. I’m
going to talk to you every day now too, so listen out for me. I love you so
much and I’ll see you soon!”
I stayed until around 4:30am as my sister was ready to
leave. I had my alarm set for 8:30am so I could head back to my aunt’s house
and before it could go off my phone rang. It was my dad, “mija, you’re tio
passed away just a few minutes ago…” I knew it was coming but I couldn’t help
but be upset that I wasn’t there. The only consolation I had was that I was
able to talk to him alone. I knew he could hear me because his eyes were moving
and he made a facial expression. So we hurried and headed to my aunt’s house
where we all stood around his lifeless body until the funeral home came and
took him. His body was still warm from the fever he had the night before. Once
the nurse cleaned him up I just ran my fingers through his hair and soaked in
the last time I’d ever see my uncle’s physical presence.
For 38 years he graced the world with his love and
generosity and for 25 years of those I was blessed to have him in my life. Never
in that time did I imagine he’d be gone this soon, but God am I grateful to
have had him in my life. He taught me many things growing up, but the most
important thing he taught me was to always be positive and always love your
family.
The Pelayo Brothers
I now get to see his face in my little cousin’s Adrian and
Julian, and know the love he had when I look at my aunt.
His beautiful family
Two losses in less than one month…it’s been extremely
difficult, but the love I have for those my families have lost is what keeps me
going.
R.I.P. Juan Jose Pelayo
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| Always in my heart |
