I'm sure many of us have been in this situation more times than we'd like to admit, but in reading into this we're all making one of the biggest mistakes we can in our relationships that can be quite detrimental...communication, but with your partner.
I am guilty of doing this many times and recently as much as I hate to admit it. As hard as it is to stop, it's something we must all promise ourselves to stray away from doing. There are quite a few things this can damage in the relationship.
- Your partner may feel insecure because they may assume you do not feel comfortable communicating with them.
- Your partner may not know why you are upset because you aren't being clear with them, which in turn means they can't try to fix it.
- The person you confide in may view your partner differently because they are now involved in your relationship problems.
- Your issues don't get resolved with your partner because you always choose to walk away which may cause them to start doing the same.
- The lack of communication can lead to further issues than what originally caused it.
Communication, as we all know, is key for anything from having a great work environment, family relationships, and friendships.
Personally, my best method of communication in most situations has always been written communication. I find I can express myself best when I write a letter, email, or even a long text message. This is easiest for me because I find it incredibly hard to express any type of emotion when it comes to a personal situation in person.
I truly do not do well with emotional confrontations and I am sure it's due to the situations where I had to be strong for my younger sister growing up with many issues our parents faced in an effort to comfort her. Not to say I do not encourage my family or friends to confide in me, but I have a tendency to not have the best reaction or comfort method to those who are sharing emotions of sadness.
Even in my relationship now, it takes a lot for me to get so upset that I shed tears. Many times I do find it easier to shut down, walk away, and cry to myself because in my mind I assume my partner won't understand me or my point of view. Also, when my partner does try to communicate with me what his issues are I tend to justify my actions in response to his feelings.
As I mentioned before, it's a hard thing to refrain from doing, but it's something we must all work on in an effort to better our relationships with our partner. If there was one thing I could take back is involving even those closest to me in my family with issues that have gone on in my relationship with my partner. If I choose to work through any issue, big or small, with my significant other it's because we believe our relationship is worth fighting for and we both know deep in our hearts that we have a future together.
The other negative impact this can have is that the person you confide in may give you advice that can be more hurtful than helpful. I've seen it happen that those closest to you may not understand the nature of your relationship and are quick to tell you to leave the person or may advise you to do something that can further harm your relationship. I truly encourage you to avoid this possibility because there is nothing more painful than knowing someone who you assumed would want the best for you and to be happy would advise such things that would result in the opposite.
From now on my partner and I have made a promise to each other to not let the opinions of others, even those closest to us, to have an impact on our relationship in order for us to be happy. At the end of the day it's just him and I in the relationship and no one, not even our parents, siblings, or closest friends will know what's best for us. I encourage you to do the same with your partner, especially if your relationship is something you know is worth working on and can do so together.
Start attending mass together, read the Bible together, make sure to go to bed early to have a conversation about your day, have dinner together, set aside date nights, take interest in your partners interest, and most importantly always tell each other how much you love them.
At the end of the day you, and only you, know what and who will make you happy. Trust your heart, mind, gut, and most importantly trust that God will lead you to the right answer.
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My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. - James 1:19
