By the time I was 12 I knew that my parents didn't belong together. I was very mature for my age and understood more than a normal 12 year old would. Noticing how my dad grew more and more distant from my mom I would tell her to leave him. "Mom why don't you just leave him, he doesn't care as much as you do," I would explain to my mom. What I didn't understand was how hard it is for someone to leave a person they love so deeply (not until I went through it myself which will come later). Nevertheless, my mom stayed with my dad for the sake of my sister and I growing up with both of our parents. Although her actions were thoughtful, it didn't change the fact that children always sense unhappiness in the home and boy did we sense it.
When I was 14 I remember trying to sleep and having to tune out my parents screaming at each other, which was usual, but this night was different. My sister (10 at the time) and I were in bed and in the midst of listening to my parents argue heard my mom choking. We quickly jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to my dad trying to do the Heimlich maneuver on my mom who had just taken an entire bottle of prescription pills. Long story short, I called 911 and luckily they were able to drain her stomach before it caused any damage. That was the night I almost lost my mom, my best friend. It took me almost a year to forgive my mom. I was hurt, disappointed, and felt betrayed that she would be so selfish and leave her two daughters behind. It was extremely tough to get through it, but in the end she's my mom, I love her, and knew I needed her in my life.
My parents later divorced when I was 20. People say divorce is hard on children, but what many forget to realize is that when you're an adult you get put in the middle of it. Since you're older you know and understand what is going on. In my case my parents had me right in the middle of it, being the oldest. I was so stressed and just wished I were somewhere else everyday. At the time they divorced my mom moved out and moved back into our other home just a town away. I stayed with my dad because of my sister, 15 at the time, would stay since her high school was in that district.
Eventually things between my dad and I got so bad that when I was 20 I left. It was a spur of the moment decision, I had gotten so upset that I grabbed the biggest bags and luggage I could find and put all of my clothes and belongings in them. I called my mom as I was packing and told her I would be coming to live with her, she was happy of course. My dad walked in as I was packing and he asked me where I was going. He didn't seem too concerned, just confused. I told him I was going to my mom's, but didn't say anything else. I packed my last bag, put everything into my car, and left. That was the last day I ever shared a home with my dad and although I don't regret leaving, I do regret the way I did it. I would have saved myself the time it took to gain my sister's trust back, that was the most important thing to me. My sister means the world to me. Most people have the love you'd expect for them to have for their sibling, but my love for my sister goes beyond that. Marisa is by far the most important person in my life (for my entire life), just writing about this has caused my eyes to tear up. Not once did I stop and think about how my leaving my dad's would effect her and it was selfish of me. At the time I was so upset with how everything changed so quickly that I just acted.
One of the hardest things about this divorce was realizing that my life would never be the same. I am grateful to God that he gave me a beautiful family that was together for 16 years, but man does it hurt to know that it will never be the same. Never will I be able to spend a holiday with both of my parents present. Never will I be able to have another family vacation with both of my parents. This is where the broken home syndrome comes to play. So many children grow up to have a different view on relationships and marriage. You might not even realize that your parents divorce has effected you or maybe you realize it, but don't want to admit it. It's okay, you are not alone, trust me. After the divorce I had even more insecurities, as if I didn't have enough with being a victim of sexual abuse as a child. Just remember that you are NOT your parents, nor will you end up like them, if you don't want to. Just because it didn't work for them, does not mean it's not going to work for you.
Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for you will not
suffer disgrace. – Isaiah 54:4
Reflection
Some fears are so deep that they come to us all the way from
our childhood. We do not understand that these fears still have a certain power
over us. But Jesus said, “Fear is useless; what you need is trust” (Luke 8:50).
They can be overcome. Focus more on God’s love and less on your fears.
Reading this was such a confirmation of fears that many have after an event in their lives. Remember to always have faith, hope, and knowledge of God's love for us all.
My dad is now with his fiance and together they had my beautiful baby sister Melani. His fiance has a son from a previous relationship and so now I have a 7 year old step brother as well.
My mom has become an even more incredible woman who has found her self worth and has become independent. My relationship with my mom continues to stay strong and as I grow older I start to notice more and more that mothers are in fact, always right. :)
If you are dealing with it now, just know the pain will slowly dwindle down, but truth be told will never go away. You'll learn to deal with the fact that your family is no longer together, but it doesn't change the fact that you will always be connected. I have been truly blessed to have been given such amazing and loving parents and most importantly the greatest sister that anyone could have asked for!
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